just a little longer

christian "dumptruck", 3 days old

today my adorable almost 4-year-old told me that he no longer wants to be called christian thomas blanch. he would like to be known from here on out as DUMPTRUCK. when i asked him why he wanted this name, he said that it just sounded tough and he needed a tougher name. he then announced to his sisters this change in status and quickly returned to break some further bad news to my very unsuspecting emotions. he stated that he will be from this point forward calling me "mom" not "mommy". i looked up from the dishes with a tear running down my cheek and saw his huge blue big boy eyes staring at me as though this was just some sort of right of passage, and i asked why. while in my head i am screaming "what the heck just happened here, where is my little boy going, why would he leave me like this, i thought i was prepared to let him grow up". he just said that it was the big boy thing to do and then he smiled his huge cheesy grin and walked out.

my mouth gaped open and then the flood warning was issued and i was left to cry into my dirty dishes while my big boy went to play games that only a big boy plays and run as fast as big boys run and graduate from high school and serve a mission and all the things that i am not even remotely prepared for. and then i flashed back to august 26, 2004 and all i could see was this helpless 7 lb 8 oz preemie lying in the incubator with a ventilator keeping him alive and me wondering what i would give to hold him for the first time and now i wonder what i would give to just hold him a little longer.

as i type this i know that everyone else may think that i am over reacting to just a small statement from my son, but i just realized today that i just said an unexpected goodbye to my little boy.